Eblo

Tales From the Undergrad Information Line

I found this somewhere in my archives while I was touching up my Mikey page. I forget where he posted this and how I came across it.

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[H]ere are true stories from the information line of Northwestern University Undergraduate Admissions. I guarantee truth. I answered them all.

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* Female Caller: Like, hi! Like, my bestest friend in the whole, total,
entire world is going to Northwestern next year, and like I totally want to like get her something with like the Northwestern colors on it, ya know? So, like, what are your colors?

Me: Purple and White.

FC: Like, totally, what color purple? Like is it a lilac purple, like, or a paisley purple, ya know, or....

Me: (interrupting) Dark purple. The darkest you can find.

FC: Like, totaaly thank you!

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*FC: My son was just admitted to Northwestern and I want to get him a
cake with Willie the Wildcat on it. Can you describe him for me?

Me: Describe him?

FC: Yes. Is he a tame wildcat? A ferocious one? How is his paw extended?
Does he growl? Does he have a fearsome look in his eyes? Is his left ear extended all the way out? WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE??

Me: Ummm....I can fax you a copy of his picture if you are near a fax machine?

FC: Well, I don't care about details! Just tell me exactly what he looks like!

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*Me: Good morning, NU Admissions.

Male Caller: Hi. My girlfriend and I were both admitted to NU, and we got our housing forms. Which dorm will let us stay in the same room?

Me: Um, none. All rooms are single sex.

MC: Oh great. She and I will have to break up now.

Me: (confused) I see...

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*MC: What is the profile of your students' class rank.

Me: Well, the top half of our freshamn class is usually in the top 5% of their high school classes.

MC: No. You're wrong. The top 5% of your students were in the top 50% of
their high school classes.

Me: I see, thanks for correcting the Admissions Office.

MC: No problem. Now do you mind if a student is last in his class of 500?

Me: Um, I wouldn't give you high chances of getting in.

MC: What do you folks at Admissions know about applications anyway?

Me: We read them and decide who gets in.

MC: Oh. (hangs up)

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*(Note: this call happened BEFORE the [winning] football season)
MC: I hear you have a good football team out there!

Me: (stifling a laugh) Some would say that.

MC: I wanna come play for you guys!

Me: Great! I'll send you out an application for admission and a course catalog.

MC: Course catalog? I don't want to take classes -- I just want to play football!

Me: Well, there's a direct relationship. To play on the team you must be enrolled at NU and taking classes.

MC: OK. Well, can I just take classes during fall quarter and skip the rest of the year? I'm just gonna take blow-off classes like Intro to Snowblowing anyway.

Me: Er, no. You have to be a full-time student.

MC: WOW! You guys have athletic admission policies like you're an academic school or something.

Me: We're #13 academically in the country.

MC: Oh. (hangs up)

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Hope you like em.....
Mike

Michael Massing mmass@nwu.edu
NU School of Engineering -- Class of 1996
Wearing the Purple with PRIDE!!! -- GO 'CATS!
1995 Big Ten Football Champs

Posted by oblivion at June 16, 2004 10:35 PM