CONTENTS
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1) Opened Can, Found Worms
2) Pink Floyd on Drugs by Kevin Jones
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1) Opened Can, Found Worms

I feared there may not have been a Sardine today.  I was busy this week,
and had nothing written yet.  Seth didn't either.  Luckily, we had our
first contributor this week.  However, when I got ready to get his items,
I was unable to access the account it was stored at.

So, I took a few moments out of this Friday to quick write up something.
Hopefully it will be sufficient under the circumstances.  Also, I would
like to say that in the future we will be broadening our horizons.  Mark
Matula, our first new contributor, sent poetry.  Yep, we're even going to
get literary.

So, continue to spread the word (and if legs came to your mind as the
word, give yourself a pat on the back).  Know that The Sardine continues
to expand, and may be of interest to even more people.  Also, for the rest
of you, you no longer have to worry about being the first contributor.  It
has been done.  Too bad I can't get it into this issue.  Next week, is
another week (refute that, Locke).
 
 

2) Pink Floyd on Drugs

"Ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day" - Pink Floyd, Time

That proves, I think, the level of toxins that had to have been in their
body when writing that song.  After all, how many of us just wait for a
dull day to pass?  It simply is not a part of what we live.

We all, I'm sure, have experienced that moment where we wish we had more
time.  Well, of course we have more time.  The only moment we don't have
more time is when we're dead.  I'm going to assume now that none of you
reading this are dead.  If I'm wrong, feel free to let me know.

It seems that what we mean is that we want more time in between events.
We need more time until dinner, because we haven't finished everything we
had meant to do.  Personally, I can't wait until dinner. Whenever I have
something I need to do, i.e. study, I usually spend most of that time
raiding the cupboards in the kitchen.

I realize that I should be using that precious time to do the homework I
planned to do, but instead I'll grab a handful of raisins then go
downstairs into my room.  At that point, I'll look at the book I intended
to read, spit on it, make the symbol of the cross with my fingers, hiss,
give it the finger, laugh at the fact that it just sits there while I
taunt it, and then check my e-mail instead of reading.  I will then go
upstairs, get a drink, find some other food item to fill my hand, and
repeat the entire process.  At least if I'm not going to read, I should at
least be giving my body nourishment.

Other people have much more discipline than I do.  People at work talk
about how they go through the day forgetting to eat until they feel
lightheaded.  Those are the same people that every night I have to exert
extra energy to step over as they lie passed out on the floor.

All is not lost for these people.  They're the ones who somebody will
point at someday and say "what a great person, they were mighty
succesful!"  Of course, this speech will be made at their funeral at the
age of 55.  That's the same reason I hope to NOT be succesful.  I'd rather
live on the street then allow myself too much stress about things in life
that really don't matter.

We all are guilty of trying to create more time for ourselves.  I think
this is why television is so succesful.  I know, you're wondering how a
time sucker like TV is based on this.  Think about the aspects of TV that
are a staple in so many lives.  Sitcoms.  Long periods of life crammed
into 30 minutes.  For those who have longer attention spans, they have
hour long shows and (gasp!) even TV movies!

I don't think I need to get into sitcoms.  I think we all admit they are
unrealistic and speed up our view of life.  Why read a book that takes
many hours for something we can watch in 30-120 minutes?  We get the same
outline, without all the useless details.  Who wants details in our lives
today?  We don't have time for such things.

Advertisements are even worse.  You get advertisements that hardly even
relate to the product.  Instead, they try and just sell their name to you,
not the specific product.  Who cares about that.  It's much faster to sell
a name and a catch phrase, and in a world where we don't have time, that's
essential.

Have you ever tried counting how many times an ad cuts from one scene to
the next?  I don't watch TV anymore myself, but when I notice it on, this
is something that comes to my attention.  The average commercial is
something like 15 seconds, and often less.  I think we love this.  It
helps us cram more INTO a period of time, since we know that we cannot
actually ACQUIRE more time.  Why settle for four commercials, 30-60
seconds a piece, when you can get 8-10 in the same amount of time?  Isn't
it great to know that our time is being better utilized by getting this
extra information?

This is hopefully going to kill the media, or make it shape up.  How long
can we watch the same action flick that has the same basic outline as the
last?  People don't want details, they want it to move fast, but how can
one distinguish itself from another in that situation?  How many sitcoms
can you have that have a funny beginning, a problem in the middle, and the
problem resolved at the end?  How can this be worth watching EXCEPT to get
details, that really aren't even present?  We can only have so much kitsch.

I hereby advocate the return of details.  I want to see more 4 hour-plus
movies about one thing.  I want to see commercials go up to one minute in
length.  I want the average sitcom to be one hour.  Do note, that I'm not
saying length makes it worthwhile, a short piece can be just as good, if
not better, but right now, I want its redemption to be that it's a waste
of time.
 

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The Sardine 4/24/98
Copyright 1998

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